One Year and Counting...Happiest first birthday, Love! :)

After the moment you were born, the next time I saw you was from afar through a glass window. Your were in your incubator. I put my hand on the glass while staring at you. God knows how much I wanted to hold you in my arms. I wanted so much to kiss you and hug you. But I knew it would be best to let you rest and build your strength. I wanted to stay in the hospital until you were ready to come home with me so that I can always come to you and I can always be only a few seconds away at any time. But we were advised that it will be better for me to recover at home. I was ready to be discharged but I will have to entrust our newborn daughter's care to strangers. Yes, they were professionals but nevertheless still strangers. 

With a very heavy heart, we came home. But all the days we were apart, there was never a day when we did not come to see you. Sometimes, we even went twice in a day. Your Papa and I would spend 30 minutes each time inside the NICU. I would talk to you, sing to you and play nursery rhymes for you while holding your warm body and your tiny hands. I wanted to lean over and kiss you many times but I knew it will have to wait. I was certain it will come, it was only a matter of time. I could not count how many times I told you how much we love you. I told you about the many adventures that we will have once you are bigger. We celebrated my first Mother's day together for an hour. You would always hold one of our fingers with your hand. And you tightened your grip everytime we would tell you it's time for us to go. It was as if you were telling us to take you home with us. It broke my heart to have to remove your hand from mine. I always assured you we will be back again same time the next day.

As we got to know you more, I also got to know the people taking care of you in the NICU. They were very supportive of me being a first time mom and they taught me how to carry you, clean your poop, feed you and many more. Once a week we would give them some pastries and snacks. It was the least we could do for the people who take such good care of the one who holds our hearts.

It was the longest month of my life. Each day was filled with uncertainty and everyone can only give us updates for the day. I felt like my heart was hanging by a thread. But I never had an ounce of doubt. I was so sure you will come home to us strong and healthy. 

Sure enough, we were told you will be ready to come home! We felt a mixture of extreme happiness and panic. Both your Papa and I are first time parents and both of us know nothing about taking care of a baby...much less a 1.63 KG preemie! We wanted to hire a midwife but we could not find one on such short notice. We just told ourselves we can do it. The couple of days before you came home were busy with shopping and cleaning. We finally got everything ready just a couple of hours before we went to the hospital to pick you up. Your Papa even bought some welcome balloons for you.

The ride home was not fun at all. I sat at the passenger seat with you in my arms while your Papa drove. It was the first time I saw him drive this slowly and cautiously. We were both nervous but typical of us, we both tried our best not to show it. 

We had to make our first and last call to the NICU a few minutes after we got home. You signaled that you were hungry so I tried to breastfeed you. But I only had so little milk that you kept on crying. We decided to open the can of preemie formula. We thought...OMG! The can does not have a scoop! Where should we get it?!!! The hospital kit did not have any either...so your Papa called up the NICU to ask. It turned out the scoop was just burried under the milk powder! We both had a good laugh. I wondered if we were the only new parents who called to ask that question. 

There were many firsts and we quickly learned so much in such a short time. We got tired, we rested and got ready for the next day. It was not always fun. Parenting comes with it's own set of challenges, especially for new parents our age. Some challenges were different for me or your Papa. But whatever the days held, we always kept in mind that we were a team. 

As days and months went by, you grew bigger...and heavier...and stronger...and healthier. For that, I am extremely thankful. 

How did you turn from a tiny preemie to this "little miss"? You came to us very small and helpless and turned into a healthy, thriving, very active and happy little girl exploding with so much energy. How did we come from you holding my finger using all of your hands to our hands intertwined while we walk side by side? How did we get from us only hearing the machines attached to your body to you babbling loudly all day? How did I get this pleasure from you sleeping all day to you always singing with me and always giving me a huge smile, an excited shriek, and a cheerful grin all day? 

Thank you for fighting with everything you had on your first month of life. For the rest of our lives, you will never have to fight a single battle alone. 

To you who make me thankful for the most trivial things everyday, you who make me aspire for greater things in life, you who make me want to live a much healthier lifestyle, you who make us laugh so hard everyday, you who make us (your Papa and I) be even closer to each other and love each other more each day, you who make me want to be a better version of me...happy, happy birthday. I promise I will be there to love you, support you and encourage you for as long as it is humanly possible for me to do so. And maybe even long after.

It is amazing how you can make us fall in love with you more every single second. I look forward to our future. Yay! We made it!

I hope you will enjoy our family celebration and I hope you will enjoy your party when we get back to Manila. We promise it'll be awesome!